


Invasion of the Human Children!

by Marsh_Daisy



Series: "What Time is it in Darwin?" [17]
Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 10:08:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30121155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marsh_Daisy/pseuds/Marsh_Daisy
Summary: They came from the Earthly Realm!They had no hoofs! They had no claws! They had no fur!Lower your horns and get your pitchforks or equivalent poking instruments ready for ...Invasion of the Human Children!.
Relationships: Murdoc Niccals/Original Female Character(s), Stuart "2D" Pot/Original Female Character(s)
Series: "What Time is it in Darwin?" [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069307
Kudos: 2





	Invasion of the Human Children!

**SEPTEMBER**

_“Invasion of the Chelsea Bun”_

Murdoc’s musical, “Some Like it Medium,” premiered to predominantly favorable reviews. Indignus Theatre changed from run-down fire hazard to a very-nearly Broadway hot-spot.

My husband 2D, the male lead, was utterly phenomenal - even if he was never mentioned in any of the reviews. Or the program. Or on the t-shirts.

He didn’t expect to be on the stage anyway. Murdoc asked him to come on board as a songwriter, and he delivered. But they ran into a problem when rehearsals began. None of the actors cast in the role of Jack were suitable. One objected to Dana being a lesbian. The next couldn’t handle criticism and ran out of the theatre in tears. The next lost his role - and a tooth - when he made a pass at Dana in front of all of us. Maris doesn’t play around where her woman is concerned.

Through gritted teeth Murdoc asked my man to be the star.

2D is a star. He shines so brightly no matter what he’s doing. His face lights up when he watches the implings play at our demonic daycare, or the ducks waddle about. He sparks electricity when he’s on stage. And he glows when he looks at me.

Every time I was in the building I fell for 2D just a little bit more. When he sang my nerves jangled and thighs quivered. Lovemaking became even more gratifying. He sang to me to get me going and my pants spent more time on the floor than they did my bottom.

Murdoc added weekend shows through the end of September. It didn't interfere with our daycare schedule, and I worked my roofing job Saturdays anyway. Sundays were a bit troubling, but with just a matinee at one, so 2D was still home for dinner. Most Broadway matinees begin at two or three but Murdoc figured he could get the drop on the competition.

All of that was about to change.

2D arrived home after the Sunday show and headed to the shower after a quick kiss. I made some tea and waited in the bedroom. He came in a few minutes later, sweet and steamy, with a towel around his waist which he dropped on the floor. He climbed on top of me playfully. 

“Hello, my beautiful wife. Were you waiting for me to come home and make love to you? Because I can. And I wanna.”

I stroked his back. “Of course I was, my handsome husband.”

He pulled one section of my hair forward to wrap around his fingers. “I love you, my Lily,” he breathed against my lips as he kissed me.

My t-shirt and trackies joined his towel.

“What d’you want for dinner?” he asked a bit later, once we had breath for conversation.

"One appetite satisfied and he’s on to the next.”

“Got ‘em in the right order at least. What do you feel like making, Lil?”

“I’m making something already.”

“What is it?”

“Well, I was late this month-” I began.

“Late for work?”

“No, I mean Aunt Flo hadn’t visited.”

“You don’t have an Aunt Flo, Lily. I have an Aunt Agatha, but she’s not coming to visit. Is she?”

“I mean my monthly visitor-”

“She’s never been here at all, let alone monthly.”

I poked him in the ribs. “You never pay it any mind, do you? I missed shark week.”

“We didn't. Shark week was in August, Lil.” He poked me back. “We watched that thing about that bloke who always pets the sharks, remember?”

“Of course you knew when that was.” I started laughing. “The painters didn’t show up? Never had a code red? The crimson tide hasn't come in?”

“You’re breaking the rules, Lil - there’s no laughing when I’m naked. What are you on about?”

I took his hand and placed it on my lower stomach. 

“Guess what’s in there.”

“Well, s'not dinner. Won’t be any at the rate we’re going here.”

“It’s a baby.”

"Really?” He sat up a bit, smiling broadly. "Are you sure?"

"I took a test."

"You passed?"

"Got an A+"

“There’s really a baby in there?” He laid his head on my stomach. "I don't hear anything. What d'you reckon he's doing?"

"Reading Chaucer? Binge-watching “Fawlty Towers”? Redecorating the inside of my uterus?"

"He's composing," 2D said firmly. "He's gonna be a musician." He looked up at me. “Lily, was it okay for us to make love? I didn’t squish him or anything?”

“It’s fine, Stuart. In fact, the page I follow says we should do it twice as often now.”

“I think you made that up.”

“Still a good idea, though.”

“So when’s he coming out?”

“March. He should be at our next spring celebration at the daycare.”

He listened for another minute. "Your tummy is gurgling. D'you want me to make waffles for both of you?"

“We thought you’d never ask.”

We got dressed and headed into the kitchen.

He tried to stack two extras on my plate. “Only you’re eatin’ for two, right?”

“Yes, Stuart, but one of us is very small.”

“He needs to get bigger then.” He leaned down and spoke to my tummy. “Do you want another waffle?” He listened for a moment and then stood to face me. “He says yes.”

We shoveled in waffles while snuggled up on the couch, watching a show about animal babies.

He kept reaching over to lay his hand on my stomach. “He’s just right there, isn’t he? Just floating around. Lil? Can I name him after my dad?”

“Of course. David Murdoc Russel P-”

He moved his hand up to cover my mouth.

I tickled him to make him move it. “I was actually thinking of Colm for a middle name? Malcolm?”

“I like that. What if he’s a girl? You can pick since I picked a boy’s name.”

I put my hand over 2D’s. “I’ll have to think about it.”

“Lil, we gotta call mum and dad.”

2D’s mum had been dropping hints here and there since we got engaged. His dad showed the same subtlety as when he ordered 2D to ask me on our first date and to propose: he just flat out told 2D to get a move on and get a bun in my oven. 2D had asked if it could be a Chelsea bun.

After we talked to them we washed dishes and snuggled on the couch again. 2D told the baby about monster trucks and zombie movies and elephants and snails and anything else that wandered through his mind that he felt the little fellow should know.

I pulled up the page I followed to show him how big the baby was now.

“Why is it always food?” 2D wondered. “‘Your baby is now the size of a satsuma.’ What’s next?”

“Your baby is the size of a cheeseburger? Your baby is the size of a large pizza? Your baby is the size of the all-you-can-eat buffet in Tottenham?”

He scrolled down, looking at the progression of pictures as the babies got bigger and bigger. “Well, now that’s more of a watermelon. You’re really gonna get that big?”

“You’re the one feeding me extra waffles.”

He took my phone from me and set it on the table. "You said twice as often, right?” We stretched out on the couch. I’d unbuttoned his jeans and he had just slipped his hand inside my top when his phone buzzed. He shifted to pull it out of his pocket.

“Only I’m a bit busy, Murdoc-”

He listened for a moment, and then sat up, set the phone on the table and put Murdoc on speaker.

“ - take advantage of it, now that we’ve got all these solid reviews. Most theatres have shows all week. I own the place - I set the hours. We can add three nights and a matinee on Wednesday. Two shows on Sundays. We already have plenty of merch, lots of programs. I’m calling everyone else to let them know. I’ll need you every day from here on out.”

“I’m sorry, Murdoc,” 2D said firmly. “I’m not gonna be able to go along with that. You're gonna need to find a new lead.”

He ended the call, then looked at his phone like it was a snake he had touched on a dare. It was already vibrating again. He looked at me and swallowed nervously. “We should probably get me a body-guard.”

I pulled him back into my arms. “He has to come through me to get to you. What do you think his odds are?”

“He doesn’t stand a chance against you, Lil.” 

The next time the phone buzzed it was Kimberly. I answered it.

“I’m offering parley,” she said with a laugh. “My serpent is sputtering and stomping around. Can you come over for drinks? Or coffee?”

“We’ll be there in a few.” I heard Murdoc yell, “Tell that pointy-headed prat-” before the call ended.

I flopped back onto the couch. “Guess that settles the question of when to tell people.”

Kimberly greeted us with a plate of fruit and biscuits, and offered coffee. We got comfy in her living room, which looks out over her expansive yard, down to the river. 2D and I were married standing right there by the cove.

Murdoc wasted no time. “You are the lead in this show. A very-nearly Broadway star. I’ve given you the opportunity of a lifetime. Can you give me one - ONE - reason why you think you can back out of this now?”

“Got something more important.”

“What could possibly be more important?” Murdoc leaned forward and bared his teeth.

“Lily’s pregnant,” 2D said proudly. “I’m gonna be a dad!”

Murdoc looked from 2D to me to 2D again. His right eye twitched.

He stood and said tightly, “Please excuse me.”

He opened the patio doors and strode straight down to the pool. He dove in, fully dressed. He swam three laps and climbed out. Kimberly watched with her hand over her mouth.

The door slammed as Murdoc stepped into the back hallway. We heard the squelch of sodden clothing hitting the floor. Kimberly keeps heavy terry robes just inside the entrance. Murdoc returned to the living room wrapped in her bright yellow one.

Kimberly picked up her phone from the end-table. Within a minute Urdek appeared, bustled over to the utility closet in the hallway, withdrew a mop, and set about cleaning up Murdoc’s trail of water. Then he was gone again.

Murdoc sat back down on the sofa. His thick hair streamed water down his face onto the collar of the cheerful yellow robe with gold monogram KSGAW.

“You will name the child after me,” he said crisply.

2D nodded eagerly. “Absolutely, Murdoc.” 

“See how easy that was?” breezed Kimberly.

Murdoc and 2D each grabbed a handful of biscuits. “You will of course help me find a replacement for you and stay on as vocal coach,” Murdoc said to 2D, leading him down to the studio. “And bring the pastries.”

“You'll be a wonderful mother, Lily,” Kimberly said.

“I hope so. I have no experience with babies whatsoever. Not human babies, anyway.”

"It's just the same as farm animals.” She laughed. “They sleep most of the time and when they cry you stick a nipple in their mouth."

"No different from taking care of 2D, then. I don’t even know where to begin. The page I’m following and Facebook group I joined have lists of ‘basics’ but saints only know which things are really necessary and which are nonsense."

“Auntie Kimberly can set up a nice nursery for you.” She looked hopeful. “Or can I be Nana Kimberly?”

“You can be Nana Kimberly, of course. Mrs Pot will want to be here when she can, but my baby needs someone closer to spoil him.”

“You can count on it, Epona.” She swirled her drink and laughed. “I look forward to telling my beast he’s to be called Papa Murdoc.”

“I want to be here when you do,” I said.

“I’ll host a baby shower, of course.”

I sipped my coffee and smiled. “Never doubted it for a second.”

******************

The very-nearly Broadway show had made waves among our implings at Little Devil’s Daycare.

Several of them were involved in the production. Cecil, Clemencia, and Eudora played in the orchestra, along with our new friend and student, Sophronia. Basilia helped me make the stage area safe and secure. Ozias, Esau, and Archibald made sure all the patrons were supplied with tasty treats, and Argentia sold t-shirts and hot sauce to the show’s fans. Montmorency and Eudora’s parent Ral-veth played a lead role. Marmaduke and Pendragon hadn’t helped with the show, but cheered from the front row, delighting in seeing their beloved Mr 2D up on the stage. They were still overflowing with excitement, and took turns playing the different roles, using the area in front of Basilia’s forge as a stage.

Things were about to change for them, too.

**OCTOBER**

_“Invasion of the State Inspector”_

2D grabbed the mail from the box as we walked through the lobby. He opened one envelope immediately and tripped on the stairs as he read it. I unlocked our door and he walked through, still reading.

“What’s that?” I asked as I set my bag down.

“They want to inspect the school.”

“Well, Tra’gouroth is already there fairly often. Not a problem.”

“Not the Board of Lower Education.”

He handed it to me.

Child Care Licensing Agency

NYS OCFS Division

Child Care Services

North Washington Street

Cobleskill, NY 

Mr. Pot:

It has come to our attention that you are running an unlicensed daycare on the property at 576 Dutch Creek Road, formerly known as Slagmont State Park. You must complete the forms enclosed in order to operate legally in New York State. Please contact our office immediately to arrange for an agent to inspect the premises for safety concerns. 

Barbara Newsom-Lesczinski

I lowered the letter. “Um.”

He took the letter back from me and scanned it anxiously, then flipped through the pages. “I gotta have it looked at for lead and asbestos, and I gotta have all these safety thingies.”

I held out my hand for the list. “Mr Beneventi can fill these out. We had it inspected already. We have the paperwork. But- neither one of us has the qualifications to run the place.”

“We can fake ‘em,” he said confidently. “We’re from England. They’re not gonna know the difference.”

“I have a degree, but it’s in animal care.” I said.

“Under our circumstances that’s actually more appropriate.”

We made the appointment for Monday afternoon, when the implings had already popped off to Ducky’s Petting Zoo. The agent stepped in briskly and looked around. “Sheila Brandonburg. Pleasure to meet you.” She shook our hands. “I have to say, this is an ingenious re-purpose of a neglected space.”

We showed her through the building. She raised her eyebrows at the sight of the forge, and we explained that supervised hands-on engineering was one of the many ways we encouraged our children to explore their futures. She noted something on the paper on her clipboard. We led her out to the playground. She approved of the climbing structure and recommended we make the substrate a bit deeper.

We went back in and discussed the forms we had filled out. She looked over the inspection, hastily filled out by Mr Beneventi on Saturday when I went to work. Then she asked about my credentials. I handed over my transcripts, which were filled with classes on equine anatomy and diseases of swine. I had my fingers crossed that she didn’t look too hard at the individual listings and focused on the fact that it filled the requirement for a degree.

She stuck the forms inside her plastic clipboard, and handed me a list of amendments to be made to the building. “You have one week to-”

A crack rent the air and my heart sank.

Argentia trotted in. “Mrs Lily?”

“Yes, sweetheart?” I hurried over to her, hoping to block her slightly.

She peeked around me at Ms Brandonburg. “Oh, hi!” She waved her little claws. “I’m Argentia. Mrs Lily,” she said, turning her attention to me again, “Mr Colm says I can’t ride D’Artagnan unless I have your permission. My father says it’s okay. If I promise I won’t jump the fence today, can I please ride him? Please? I’m so sick of Portly waddling around and Marmaduke won’t let me ride Feather since- the incident.” She didn’t elaborate on "the incident" and I decided I’d prefer to remain ignorant - for the time being at least.

“You ‘won’t jump the fence today’?” I asked. “Notice you specify today only. Limited time offer?”

“Mrs Lily,” Argentia said patiently, “you know me. Do you think I’m foolish enough to make promises beyond the next 24 hours? Take it or leave it.”

I laughed. “It’s a deal. But you lose pony privileges for two weeks if you give Mr Colm or Mr Charles any problems. Clear?”

“As crystal, Mrs Lily.” She waved to the inspector again. “Bye un-named human person!” and with a crack she was gone.

I bit my lip and turned to face Ms Brandonburg.

“So. The children at 'Little Devils' are - quite literally - little devils?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“You might have mentioned.” She opened her clipboard again, withdrew her list, and added some notes. “The building is still fine for the most part. You should raise the fire extinguishers a bit but they’re within code.” She looked up at me. “And your classes in “Hoof Care and Maintenance” appear much more relevant.” She replaced the sheet, and then rummaged for a moment. “Ah.” She handed me a printout of requirements. “The codes for demons are very similar.”

I took the printout.

She returned her pen to her bag and stepped to the door. “It was nice to meet you, Mr and Mrs Pot.” She turned back. “One last thing: New York State law does require that your school be open to human children as well. I know a few families who might be interested. I’ll give them your information.”

2D and I sank into the tiny plastic children’s chairs and stared at one another.

Tuesday we let the implings know that human children would be joining the class.

“Is it Devon?” asked Pendragon, scratching his ear. “I like Devon. He knows everything about snakes and he shares them with me.” Esau nodded in agreement.

“I dunno,” 2D answered. “We don’t know who these kids will be. Their parents want ‘em here just like yours did.”

Eudora looked troubled. She came to sit on my lap. “Mrs Lily, they won’t be mean, will they? They won’t make fun of our horns or ears?”

I squeezed her tightly. “We would never allow that, ever. But these children will be coming from families who know a bit about demons. I’ve no doubt you’ll be fast friends.”

Eudora looked placated, but Argentia and Basilia looked at one another and folded their arms. 

**NOVEMBER** **  
** _“Invasion of the Childbirth Instructor”_

Our first human student arrived on November 9.

His mother brought him early Monday morning, before the implings arrived. She had her application and tuition check in hand; that was a good sign.

“Elaine Mazur, and this is Lewis.” She shook our hands. 

“He’ll be the very first person kid we ever had,” 2D said enthusiastically. “I was a bit worried about doing this, but apparently there are a lot more people out there who like demons that I’d have thought.”

“Oh, yes, yes. We network privately a great deal, since most of us have to keep it on the down low. Never thought we’d see something like this. How did you come up with the idea?”

“They just started popping up, so we built a school around ‘em,” 2D explained. He showed Lewis and his mum through the building.

Mrs Mazur examined the creations decorating the art wall and shelf beneath it. “You have very talented little demons here.” She pointed to Argentia’s sculpture of the Great Beast of the Bottomless Pit. “Is this what He really looks like?”

“I wouldn’t know,” 2D responded. “But we have a couple of friends who hang out with Him. I could ask one of them.”

The familiar boom echoed through the play yard. The implings started pouring through the doorway.

“Hey, the new kid is here! I’m Argentia and these are all the other ones. What’s your name?”

“Lewis. Can you guys possess people?”

“I’d rather stay in my own body. No offense.”

“None taken,” Lewis responded. He shook claws all round. 2D called everyone over to the rug for circle time while I finished up with Mrs Mazur.

By the time I joined them they were finished with introductions and moving on to centers. Lewis joined Ozias, Esau, and Pendragon for a game of cards. I set up a table of soap bubbles and played with Eudora, Montmorency and Pendragon while 2D presided over the art table.

A new era at Little Devil’s Daycare had begun.

That era ended Friday.

All week long Mrs Mazur picked up Lewis after school. On Friday, we met his father for the first time.

2D had invited Noodle to talk to the children about her travels and environmental conservation. She was happy to do it; she was between trips and said she could submit it to her boss at Rescue the Isles as an educational seminar.

Mr Mazur arrived in time for the last ten minutes or so. He slipped in and introduced himself to me quietly, then listened to Noodle. She was describing the collapsing icebergs in Antarctica. A place that cold seemed surreal to the implings. Noodle finished with a little question and answer.

Mr Mazur said, “Well now, that is impressive! She’s so well travelled.”

2D walked over. “Oh, there’s nowhere our Noodle hasn’t been. I’m 2D.” He shook Mr Mazur’s hand. “Once she took me to Osaka to get me ice cream.”

Mr Mazur looked puzzled. “Just to get ice cream?”

“Well, she had some other things to do but mostly I remember the ice cream. Oh! And she took me to the museum to see the dinosaurs and got me a model kit to build a T-Rex. It was sweet.”

Mr Mazur nodded. “Well, that was very kind of her.”

Noodle finished answering questions from the kids and joined us. She introduced herself to Mr Mazur.

“You seem to really enjoy your job,” he said.

“Yes, I do. I like to think I’m making the world a better place.”

“She also writes music and plays guitar,” 2D said. “And she worked as an assassin. And she was a pearl diver in Japan and she slayed a demon there.” He lowered his voice to a whisper, “But we don’t talk about that in front of the implings.”

“I should think not,” Mr Mazur said in a soothing tone. He continued, turning to face Noodle. “Clearly everyone here thinks the world of you. How long have you been teaching?”

“I’m not the teacher,” Noodle replied. “I’m just here to talk to the kids.”

“Oh!” He looked at me. “I’m sorry. That would be you then, Mrs Pot.”

“I help out a great deal, but my husband is the one in charge.”

2D waved his hand. “Thass me!”

Mr Mazur digested this for a moment. Then he called over to his son. “Lewis! It’s time to head home.” Lewis came right over and Mr Mazur rumpled his son's hair affectionately. “I think- I think we might still be looking at other schools. Perhaps ones that have a more- intellectual atmosphere.”

“I’m an adjunct professor at Oxford,” Archibald called over. “Does that help?”

Mr Mazur stared at Archibald for a second or two. Then he shook hands all round again, and thanked us.

Lewis waved cheerfully to the implings. “Talk to you guys later in chat!”

I looked at Pendragon, who was standing closest to me. He grinned. “We all play ‘Castle Master - Age of Dragons’ online every night.”

******************

“My name is Amy, and today we’re going to talk about what you can expect out of labour and delivery.”

“Expecting a baby out of it, aren’t we?” 2D whispered. I shushed him.

“Let’s introduce ourselves and share a little bit,” she suggested.

The furthest couple over started. “I’m Anne, and I’m a financial advisor. And this is my boyfriend Chester - he works sanitation for the city. Our baby is due on April 30 - it’s a little girl. Our Bethany. My second and Chet’s first.”

The other three couples followed suit.

When it came to us I opened my mouth and 2D beat me to it. “I’m 2D and this is my Lily.”

“I’m sorry, that was-” Amy said questioningly.

“That was my introduction. Only you asked for it.”

“Your name. I didn’t quite catch it.”

“It’s 2D. Like the number that comes after one. And then D. Like the letter that comes after-” he hesitated.

“C,” I said.

“That’s the fellow. I got kinda nervous. Usually I know those.”

“And what is it you do, 2D?” asked Amy.

“I’m a preschool teacher,” 2D said.

Amy opened her mouth and no words came out.

“Oh!” 2D added, “I’m also a famous rock star and very-nearly Broadway actor.”

Amy took her time to digest all of this and then asked me, “And you, Lily?”

“I work construction and try to prevent him from injuring himself.”

Amy addressed the whole group again. “I’m sure you’ve noticed the changes your body is going through-”

“Is mine supposed to?” 2D interrupted. “Only I’ve gained ten pounds but that’s Lil’s fault cause she should know if she wants ice cream I’m gonna eat most of it.”

“Stop interrupting,” I admonished him.

I managed to keep him quiet until Amy asked if there were any questions. 2D put his hand up.

“Yes, 2D?”

“Do you think zombies remember the name they had when they were alive?”

She blinked. “I was actually asking if you had any questions about the material we just covered.”

“No, thank you. I wasn’t really paying much attention. I figure Lily'll fill me in.”

Amy nodded slowly. She reached into her bag and pulled out a wooden model of a uterus with a baby inside.

“Is that a puzzle?” 2D whispered.

“Stuart, you need to be quiet,” I whispered back. He fell silent and faced Amy, looking properly attentive.

“- and here you can see where the placenta is connected.” She had set up a flip chart while 2D was talking, and she pointed to the placenta on the page. “This is where your baby has been receiving all his nutrition. When your baby is born-”

“That’s where he eats from? That doesn’t look very appetizing.”

“The food goes directly from the placenta into the baby,” Amy clarified.

“The baby gets what the mother eats through there? So he’s in there waitin’ for his ice cream and he never really gets to eat it?” He folded his arms and looked disgusted. “No wonder they cry when they come out.”

One of the other parents asked about what drugs pass through the placenta and Amy looked relieved to answer a real question.

“Stuart, we came here to learn something,” I whispered to him.

“Well, all she’s doing is confusing me. Like- look at the baby puzzle. Is that life size?” he asked, speaking louder.

Amy looked at the wooden uterus. “No, it isn’t.”

“I was gonna say,” he said. “Looks a lot smaller than Lily.”

I dropped my head forward and let my hair cover my face.

“How’d they get the baby in there?”

She disassembled the model and showed him how the pieces fit together.

“Yeah, but what about a real baby?” he asked.

Saints help me. “Seriously, Stuart?”

“I know all the specifics,” he said. “It’s the main concept I can’t get my head around.”

Amy hesitated. “That may be a conversation to have with your partner when you get home.”

2D nodded.

The other couples were watching all of this in amusement. One of the women was choking on her laughter and her partner was trying to quiet her down while suppressing her own giggles. At least they weren’t angry.

Amy went into some detail about the fetal development.

“He can hear, right?” 2D asked. “‘Cause I sing to him all the time.”

Amy smiled and nodded. “That’s lovely.”

“But he can’t see anything?”

“No, not really.”

He turned to me. “I told you so!” Then he said to the class. “I told her when we’re watching tv I need to describe everything to him. She said ‘that really isn’t necessary Stuart’” - he imitated my voice - “but otherwise how’s he supposed to know what’s happening?” He shook his head at me.

“I sing to my baby, too,” said one of the dads.

“It’s so sweet,” added the mum.

2D looked proud to have made a real contribution to the conversation.

“Let’s move on to the stages of labour,” Amy said, and flipped to the next page of the chart. “Here we can see how the cervix dilates from three centimeters to ten over the course of-”

That was where class ended for us. 2D took one look at the pictures and passed out cold.

  
  
  


**DECEMBER**

_“Invasion of the Midwife”_

The implings stayed in close contact with their human friend Lewis, occasionally arranging playdates in addition to their online gaming. His departure did leave an opening for a human at Little Devil’s.

That space was filled on December 18, when Mrs Stone brought her daughter Patricia to inspect the school on a blustery afternoon. Days like these we kept a cozy fire going even if Basilia wasn’t forging anything. The implings were already gone.

“I have heard wonderful things about you from my friend Elaine. I gather her husband was snooty about whether he felt Lewis was being sufficiently - challenged by the curriculum, let’s say. But for me it’s more about the socialization. I want Patty to be exposed to people of many different backgrounds.”

“Oh, she’ll get plenty of that here,” 2D said earnestly, as I filled out paperwork and tucked Mrs Stone’s check securely in my bag.

Patty was inspecting the bookshelves. She pulled out “Let’s Spend a Day in Hell!” and opened it, then closed it very quickly and put it back on the shelf. She regarded the fire for a few moments, and looked inside the brick oven Ozias and Esau baked in. Then she poked around on the art shelves.

“What do you think, precious Pattycakes?”

Patty turned to her mother with a distasteful expression. “Do I really have to go here? Gavin goes to Westport. Can’t I go there?”

“I want you to at least try it out, sweetness. There aren’t very many children who can tell the other little coven members that they go to a school with real demons!” She laid her hand on my arm. “I know she seems a bit reticent but I’m sure she will warm up to everyone in no time.”

The implings were enthused initially; they liked Lewis and hoped they would get along equally well with this new human.

One circle time quashed their enthusiasm. Patty shared nothing about herself, and seemed disinterested in everything they shared.

“Do you like to paint?” Clemencia asked.

Patty shrugged.

“What games do you like to play?” asked Argentia.

“I don’t really play games,” Patty responded.

We wrapped up quickly and started centers. I had a fresh set of glitter paints and thought Patty might be interested in it, but she wasn’t. She wandered over to the reading rug and listened to 2D read for about five minutes, then puttered around in the puzzle bin. Basilia sat on the floor working on measurements for her next project: a set of throwing knives. She offered to show Patty how the forge worked, but Patty sniffed and said no one in her family worked with their hands. Basilia shrugged and went back to her plans. Patty finally sat down at the writing station. We keep a pile of papers with writing prompts on them: pictures or sentences aimed to inspire creativity. She picked up a pen and started writing and I was encouraged, but at lunch time I saw she had written a letter to her friend Gavin, listing all the things she hated about the school, from the ugly print of the sofa to the size of the wooden train set to the lack of a wide-screen television.

The day continued in the same vein: she disparaged the lunches the implings brought as she set out a lobster salad and gourmet cheese and crackers from a local specialty shop. She refused to play outside because her boots were new and very pricey so she didn’t want to get them wet. She missed our nature walk, too. Eudora was kind enough to stay at the building to keep Patty company, but reported to me that Patty just sat at the desk on her phone, which 2D and I were unaware she had.

In the afternoon, Marmaduke asked if he could make a Christmas card for Auntie Kimberly and Unkie Murdoc.

“You can make one for Ms Kimberly,” Argentia asserted immediately, “but I will make the one for Mr Murdoc.” Argentia had attached herself to Murdoc from the moment she met him, to his dismay. That aroma of evil he carried around with him - in addition to his other aromas - captivated her.

“Anyone who would like to make a holiday card for a human friend can come over to the art table,” I said. “I have lots of glitter paint.”

Pendragon joined us to make a card for Lewis, and Basilia wanted to make one for Maya.

“Patty, would you like to join us?” I called over. “You could make a lovely card for your mother - do you celebrate Christmas?”

“Yes, we do,” Patty said, approaching the table. “But we always buy cards. I wouldn’t want to give my mother something I just made out of paper.”

Argentia snorted. “You’re aware that cards you buy are made of paper, right?”

“When does Santa come to visit the class?” Patty asked. “Last year at school I asked for a new Andromeda 7 phone and this year I want the Andromeda 8 plus a new rhinestone case.”

“Santa doesn’t visit here, Patty,” 2D said, sitting down and grabbing some red glitter paint. “Don’t look,” he instructed me. “It’s for the baby but you told me he sees whatever you see now.”

“What do you mean, Santa doesn’t visit? He comes to see all the kids so he can take their orders.”

“Because demons don’t have Christmas,” I explained. “Though some might celebrate with their human friends.”

Marmaduke nodded. “Me and my dad have dinner at Ms Kimberly’s house. It’s lots of fun and there’s so many cookies.”

Argentia pursed her lips and regarded Marmaduke. “What’s a girl gotta do to wrangle an invitation?”

Patty was still processing. “So Santa doesn’t visit. But you give us gifts, right?”

I shook my head.

“You have a party where we give each other gifts?”

“We could have a party,” I said. “Combine it with Yule and celebrate whatever we please. Treats and decorations and music. Does that sound nice?”

Patty stared at me blankly. “No. Presents sound nice.”

Druvoxin appeared, signalling the end of the day. The implings scurried about, tidying up the room. Patty took her coat off the hook by the door and pulled it on slowly. Her mother arrived about a minute later.

“How was your first day, precious Pattycakes?”

“Did you know there’s no Christmas here?” Patty demanded.

“Well, I hadn't thought about it,” her mother said. She looked at me. “We don’t celebrate the - um - aspect that pertains to -”

“This is a room full of demons," I said. "We’re well aware of the ideological dilemma.”

She laughed. “Of course! But any holiday that brings gifts - how can we say no to Patty?”

It certainly seemed as though no one ever did.

“They don’t have Santa visit.” Patty stated flatly.

“You’ll still get lots and lots of presents from Santa at home, and from everyone in the family, too, precious Pattycakes.”

“Gavin says at Westport they have Santa come every year and he brings presents plus all the teachers give presents plus there’s a gift exchange plus they send things home for over vacation.” She turned to 2D. “I bet you don’t have the Easter Bunny bring candy, either!”

“Well, no. You know. Still demons and all that. But Ozias and Esau like to make candy - they could bring some.”

Patty shook her head again. “Not the same as getting a gigantic chocolate bunny and a few pounds of jelly beans.”

I heard Argentia mutter, “I’m gonna pound her jellybeans if she doesn’t shut up.”

“Gavin says at Westport the Easter Bunny brings-”

“Westport sounds swell, doesn't it Clemencia?” Sophronia interrupted loudly.

“Sure does,” Clemencia responded at the same volume. “What do you think, Pendragon?”

Pendragon nodded vigorously. “You’d love it there.”

“Think of all the great things Gavin says,” added Basilia.

“Right,” said Montmorency. “Wouldn’t want to miss out on all of that.”

Patty turned to her mother in triumph “See? Even they know I deserve better than this!”

“If that’s truly what you want, Pattycakes, then of course.” She looked at 2D and me with an apologetic expression. “This is a lovely place, it truly is. I just think it might not live up to Patty’s expectations.”

“That’s okay,” Ozias said. “She didn’t live up to ours either.”

******************

Our holidays featured no complaining or whining other than me complaining about the ludicrous nature of most maternity clothes.

“It’s better than when we had our babies, isn’t it Bab?” Kimberly asked after Christmas Eve dinner. That was the main holiday event for the Wilson-Niccals household. 2D, Murdoc, Maris, and Dana played poker in the kitchen, while Kimberly, Babette, and I lounged by the fireplace.

Babbette nodded. “When I had Shae the only things I could find looked like tents with a big-ass bow on the front.” She took a sip of coffee.

“Tell you what, Rhiannon,” Kimberly said in her about-to-offer-but-it’s-actually-a-demand voice, “how about I take you-”

Here it comes.

“-shopping for some nice things?”

I responded as I had about wedding dress shopping. “Love to. As long as Maris comes along.”

From the kitchen- “God damn it, Bob.”

******************

Once the baby started moving around 2D delighted in laying his hands or his cheek against my belly to feel it.

"I wish I knew what it felt like for you, Lil."

"Feels like I ate a bunch of live snakes," I said, peering down at my lightly shifting skin.

"I dunno what that feels like either." He thought about it. “One time Murdoc made me eat-”

“The baby and I strongly advise you not to finish this story.”

My stomach also attracted attention from the implings, as the new maternity shirts made me look twice as large.

“Mrs Lily, are you growing a baby in there?” Basilia asked as I lowered myself onto the reading rug.

“Yes, I am, actually.”

“I just thought you ate too many cookies at Auntie Kimberly’s party,” remarked Marmaduke.

“No, it wasn’t that.”

“You did eat an awful lot of cookies, Mrs Lily.”

“It’s a baby, Marmaduke.”

“So how's it going so far?” asked Archibald.

“Pretty good.”

“What’s he doing in there?” Pendragon asked, staring at my belly.

“I wondered the same thing,” 2D said.

Argentia placed her ear against my stomach. “I don't hear anything.”

Clemencia scooted closer. “Let me!” She rested a pointy ear against me and listened. “I can hear him singing. I wrote that one. He has good taste.”

“Is my mom going to help you get it out?” Basilia asked.

“What?”

“My mom delivers implings,” Basilia explained.

“Like from a store?” asked Esau.

“Actually,” started 2D, “I took a class so I know all about it. What happens is-”

“I'll talk to your mum after school, Basilia,” I interrupted. Frankly I’m not sure what’s involved as far as demonic family planning is concerned.

After she boomed the implings over to the zoo Druvoxin returned for a chat.

“I didn't know if you had plans made for the delivery. I can bring that baby for you if you like - you can stay at home all relaxed and comfy.”

“Are you serious?”

She drew back, feigning indignation. “I’ve delivered hundreds of implings. Have you know I delivered Argentia, Archibald, and Ozias and Esau. Twins. And Ozias had a full head of horns.”

“I just mean can you deliver a human baby?”

“The main concept is the same. I’ll just need to know the specifics.”

“2D took a class. He can tell you all about it.”

She laughed. “I bet he can."

2D put the broom away and joined us at the table. "Lily said she wanted to have the baby at home. I wasn't too sure but she's the one he's popping out of. I figure with him in there she gets two votes."

I blinked. “The term ‘popping out’ is a bit unsettling.”

"You can ask Gathiod, Algromek, and Dra’Zith too - they’d recommend me in a hoofbeat," Druvoxin said. “I don’t know if I’d need any license or anything here on the Earthly Plane? They tend to be picky about things like that.”

“Oh, we’re genius at faking things out,” 2D assured her.

“You might ask Kimberly if she wants to assist. With a demon and a goddess attending you’ll have perfect balance.”

I called Kimberly that evening to ask her about Druvoxin’s proposition. She was delighted by the idea.

“It would be my honor, Epona. I didn’t know Dru was a midwife, but I would certainly place myself in her able claws without hesitation. You have a pediatrician?"

"Got that settled, yes."

“Excellent. You can make arrangements ahead of time for someone to come do a check-up as soon as the baby pops out.”

“You’re the second person to use that term. It creates quite a mental picture.”

She laughed. “Haven't you watched any videos?”

“No. Someone fainted before we got to that part in the childbirth class.”

“You should. And keep some cold water near to toss on his face. He has to be prepared for it. And so do you.”

I bit my lip. “How bad is it? Truly?”

“In a lifetime of extraordinary experiences, it’s still the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me," Kimberly replied gently. "It’s painful. Sometimes things don’t go the way you planned. But when you see their eyes look at you for the first time, and feel their warmth, and the solidness of their little body - the memory of the pain means nothing. Not in comparison the flood of love you feel for the baby.” She sniffled a bit. “2D will be there, and Dru will be there, and I will be there. And together we will bring your baby into this beautiful world and into the arms of people waiting to love him.” 

******************

**JANUARY**

_"Invasion of the Baby Shower Guests"_

The Sunday of my baby shower rolled around and I prayed to the saints for strength as I heaved myself out of bed that morning. I loafed around in my robe before I showered and got dressed. Kimberly bought me a lovely navy blue maternity dress that I figured would do me for the entire remainder of my pregnancy, the post-partum weeks and months, and very likely the rest of my life if I altered it.

“The things I do to please Nana Kimberly,” I said as 2D braided my hair for me.

My doting husband was a bit put-out that he had not been invited. “Still don’t understand why I can’t come.”

“Traditionally it’s a woman’s thing. I suppose one could break with tradition, but Kimberly was in charge. She does as she pleases, as you well know.” 

He finished the braid and I handed him a blue ribbon that matched the dress. He tied it on carefully. It’s easier than his shoelaces but he still needs to take his time. “Only there’s going to be cake and ice cream, right? That’s not really fair that the dad doesn’t get any.”

I turned around and kissed him. “We'll save some for you.”

He looked slightly cheered.

“And you could go do something with Murdoc and Russ?” I suggested. “They did up a nice bachelor party for you while I had my bridal shower. You had lots of fun.”

“They took me out and got me pissed is what.” He thought for a moment. “Yeah, I’ll call them.”

Half the guests had parked in the street, and the rest would be arriving via Kimberly’s back yard.

“Mind you don’t get into too much trouble.” I said as I slid out of the passenger seat. “Russ can probably counter Murdoc fairly well.”

Murdoc strode out of the house and approached the car. “Shove over, birdbrain.” He took the driver’s seat and squealed out of Kimberly’s driveway. So much for that hope.

I entered the arena and placed myself in the hands of the goddess.

As usual, the dining room had been opened and delicious aromas wafted from covered dishes. Urdek had his clipboard in claw, and Marmaduke trotted behind him, eager to help. He ran over for a kiss from me.

Mrs Pot had arrived that morning and went straight to Kimberly’s. She hugged me tightly. “I’m so happy I could be here! You look just radiant!” I have learned this is the standard pregnancy greeting for those who aren’t as frank as-

“Lofty!” Maris yelled from the door. “You’re getting rounder by the minute. I swear I can see you inflating.” Dana followed in her wake with a plastic-wrapped plate in hand. Cheyenne brought up the rear; she was filling the lead in the musical while Dana recovered from a broken ankle. Maris squatted to talk to the baby. “What are you doing in there? No cake for you.” She stood. “Someone has to be firm with him.”

Dana hugged me warmly, handing the plate to Maris. “Is it ‘him’? Do you know?”

We headed for the dining room. “No. Couldn't see anything on the ultrasound.”

“Good,” said Maris. “I was hoping this wasn’t a gender reveal thing.”

“This is a ‘give Lily presents’ thing,” I stated.

“The preoccupation with what is in a child’s diaper is rather unsettling," Cheyenne remarked, grabbing some biscuits off Dana's plate.

“My only concern is having enough and making 2D change them.”

I milled about, greeting all the other guests. Bab, of course. I knew Frankie's girlfriend Aniyah, and was happy to meet Bab’s younger daughter Arionna. Shae brought Maya, who felt very grown-up to be included. When the demons arrived I saw they had done the same: Clemencia, Basilia, Argentia, Eudora, and Sophronia all fluttered about in new dresses. They grabbed Maya and inspected the cake.

Now it was time to sit perched with a plate of food on my knee and apprise everyone of my pregnancy details: How sore my breasts were, how puffy my ankles were, my weight at the last check-up, how active the baby was - even whether 2D and I were still having sex. That last came from Maris, who snickered as she asked it, while Mrs Pot turned pink. The evidence that I had a leg over her son was rather prominent.

After I licked the last bit of frosting from my fingers the gifting began. The next hour small fleece things appeared, gift cards stacked up, and a chorus of “awww” hovered in the air.

Maris and Dana gave me a tiny Columbia sweatshirt. “No pressure,” Dana chirped. Noodle echoed her wedding gift to me with a USB drive filled with hundreds of lullabies - from every culture, in every language. Cheyenne gave me a mobile for above the crib, comprised of miniature musical instruments. Druvoxin, Mernak, and Ral-veth presented me with dozens of cloth nappies. Mernak also gave me her family's special glorngdens recipe. "Remember to make them in a deep bowl so they don't wander off." Shae, who had given birth most recently, gave me a breast pump and a dozen bottles. The practicality of the items filled my heart, and I was profoundly moved by them: this was proof that these people knew exactly who I was. No lacy blankets, no six-foot tall teddy bears, no frilly dresses. Just basic things that would make my life easier.

Basilia presented the only impractical gift of the day: a silver baby rattle from all of the implings. The rattle part had silver filigree wrapped around it, and an oval space on the front.

“That’s for the baby’s name,” Basilia explained. “As soon as you know what it is I’ll engrave it for you.”

“Basilia, this is absolutely gorgeous. I love it and I know Mr 2D will, too.” I cried, and hugged them until they started squirming, then laughed as they wiggled out of my arms. Eudora gave me a kiss and then went to sit on her parent Ral-veth’s lap.

“I have no idea how to thank you all,” I said, wiping my tears with a napkin Dana handed me. “This baby will be the luckiest little person ever.”

Conversation swelled among the guests again, commenting on the gifts, comparing pregnancy stories.

Shae scooted closer to look at the rattle. “Beautiful. That’s one talented impling. Maya loves playing with her.” She handed the rattle back to me. “What names are set to go on there?”

“David, after 2D’s dad. And his middle name will be Malcolm for my best friend. You met him at my wedding, I think.”

“If it’s a girl?”

“I don’t know. The case worker at the foster home I grew up in just liked flowers. I could as easily been Rose or Violet.” I stared at the rattle. “I always wondered what my mother named me. If she called me anything at all before she dropped me off.”

Shae put her hand over mine and squeezed it.

Kimberly knelt in front of me. “Biggest for last, Epona,” she said, and tugged my hand. Mrs Pot appeared at my other side, and they led me to the sitting room, which was closed off as it usually was.

“This is from Grandma Rachel and Nana Kimberly,” 2D’s mum said, and Kimberly swept the door open.

Bassinet. Crib. Dresser. Wardrobe. Changing table. Bookcase. Rocking chair. All in the rich, dark wood I loved, and a cushion of blue and white on the rocker.

I broke down and cried, holding each of these wonderful, generous women in turn. I never had a grandma. I never had a mum. I never imagined I would one day have a room full of people who cared about me and my baby, and delighted in my happiness. I sank to my knees, with them still holding me, and let out the years of longing. They stroked my hair and rubbed my back until I stopped crying.

Guests began departing after that, and I thanked and hugged them as they left. Maris, Dana, and Cheyenne hung around to chat with Noodle and me - and so Maris could grab as many leftovers as possible. Mrs Pot had coffee with Kimberly and Druvoxin. Basilia snuggled on the couch with Argentia and Sophronia, watching cartoons. Druvoxin had brought all of them together, to save Gathiod and Silgadenth the trouble.

The front door slammed. Uneven booted steps echoed through the hallway, and Murdoc appeared, leaning heavily against the kitchen doorway. “My- rhubarb-” He burped. “Would you be so kind as to pay the cabbie waiting in the driveway? Tip him plenty. I may or may not have vomited in the back seat.”

Kimberly grabbed her wallet from her handbag, and headed outside. She gave Murdoc a warm kiss - on the cheek - when she returned, and said, “Let’s go get you in the shower, my stout-soaked scorpion.”

“Murdoc. Have you forgotten something?” I asked.

He grunted and looked around. “This is my house, right? This is my woman.” He looked down. “I have trousers on.”

“Murdoc, where did you leave my husband?”

He peered blurrily at me. “Blue-haired fella? Kinda gawky? Owns one brain cell and rents the other?” He looked at Kimberly. “He wasn’t in the cab?”

“No. No, he was not.”

Murdoc shrugged. “You might call Russ. Think he had him last.” And he staggered for the stairs, with Kimberly supporting him.

Mrs Pot looked alarmed, but Maris waved her hand. “If he’s with Russ he’s fine. More important, National Velvet,” she addressed me, “where the fuck is your car?”

A phone call to Russ did indeed clarify things. Apparently the cab had been called for Murdoc and 2D, but my husband was in the loo when it arrived so Murdoc left without him. Once Russ settled the bill he came out to find 2D sitting on the edge of a flower planter, still waiting patiently for Murdoc.

So Russ brought him to Kimberly's. He headed directly to the cake and filled a plate.

"Russel, do you know where my car is?" I asked.

"My place. Figured I'd just drive both of you back."

"'Preciate it, Russ," 2D mumbled through the cake. Russ grabbed some food.

Coffee and wine made the rounds again, then 2D started looking sleepy.

"Stuart, you need to see all the beautiful things I got." I led him to the living room to show him the tiny baby outfits and the gorgeous rattle from the implings.

"And wait til you see this," his mum said. We walked down to the sitting room and he was amazed at the array of baby furniture.

He sat in the rocker and looked around. "Why's he need two beds?"

"Well, this is a bassinet," I explained. "More cozy for him to sleep in when he's teensy."

"He's gonna have enough clothes for the chest of drawers and the wardrobe? Then wass the other thing?"

"Changing station. You keep all the nappies just there."

He nodded and kept rocking. "This won't fit in our flat."

He rocked away but I stopped in my tracks and put my hand over my mouth. "No. Oh, no. It won't."

Kimberly had followed us and stood outside the door. "Oh, Rachel-" she breathed, "we never thought of that at all!"

Mrs Pot looked dismayed. "What should we do? I'd hate to have to return any of these beautiful things!"

"S'not a problem," 2D said calmly, still rocking. "Just need to buy a house."

I looked at him. "We get furniture and buy a house to go around it?"

"Sounds about right for us," my husband said, folding his hands over his stomach and closing his eyes.

******************

The first human child had lasted a week at Little Devil’s. The second one got through a day.

“If we get another one I’ll call it a success if we make it through an hour,” 2D said as we cleared snow from around the playset the Monday after my shower.

But from the minute Edith Rosenburg landed, it was clear she intended to stay.

“I’m Edith, and I can run very fast. I'm also good at math and I know my times tables up to 12."

"That's better than Mr 2D," remarked Sophronia.

"I can remember my twos and fours,” he said. “S’all I need for writing music."

“I like your outfit,” Eudora said. Edith looked down at her glittery t-shirt and pink leggings. The impling girls wear dresses because they're more comfortable for their hairy goat legs. The boys wear short pants year round for the same reason.

“Thank you,” Edith said. "I like yours, too."

Eudora smoothed out her skirt and looked pleased.

The implings all introduced themselves and Edith smiled politely at them. 

Argentia took charge immediately after circle time. I think she wanted to put Edith through her paces right away, so they didn’t get their hopes up.

“We start with centers. You can come to the art table with me.” She took Edith by the hand.

Edith looked down at Argentia’s claws in surprise but went with her willingly.

I kept partial attention on them while I helped my young science students with a project involving coloured water in oil. Eudora, Basilia, Pendragon, and Archibald made their own shakers and then I nabbed the readers as we rotated. All seemed well among the new girl and her self-appointed welcome committee.

"We're going outside to play now." Argentia announced after she, Edith, and Clemencia were finished in the book nook. "You can build a snowman with us, then play tag. After that we'll take care of the boys."

"Take care of?"

Clemencia nodded. "We used to knock 'em off the fort first thing, but now we let them play for a while."

"It's very generous of us," Argentia added.

By the end of the day Edith seemed nicely settled in.

The next day she wore a dress.

"You look pretty, Edith," Marmaduke said.

"I fancy girls with a little more leg fur," Cecil remarked.

"Her legs look just fine." Sophronia gave Edith a hug. "All legs are beautiful and yours run very fast. Be proud of them."

That week Edith was content to let the girls run the show. They made certain she knew where to sit for circle time, how to sneak extra biscuits when Esau and Ozias brought them in, and which crayon colour most closely resembled blood.

On Friday we had another special guest: Russel came to visit us to teach the fine art of hot sauce.

“Good cooking is like good music. Makes everything better. And you need to put your best into it if you wanna get the best out of it,” he explained.

The implings read the recipe for Ghost Based Killah, his hottest sauce currently on the market. “Workin’ on one with more heat,” he said, “but the peppers keep meltin’ holes in my cutting board.”

The implings had no trouble at all chopping up the hottest peppers. We worked a math lesson in as they figured out how to double the recipe so they could take some back to the Lower Planes for their parents to try. When we were done, and Russ had taste-tested and approved their work, we sat down to lunch.

I managed to stop 2D before he loaded hot sauce on the leftover potatoes we brought from home. “We’ve been here before, Stuart, and it never ends well.” The implings, however, poured it freely on everything - from the tamer human food like Sophronia's peanut butter sandwiches, to the more challenging hemlock tacos favored by Cecil and Clemencia. Pendragon had salad topped with some bright red berries. And to my dismay, Argentia had a plastic bowl of stuffed glorngdens.

2D first encountered this staple food at the Academy of Lower Education’s annual banquet. They were served with just about everything, fancied up for special occasions or plain for regular meals. We have wisely never inquired much about them, and the recipe Mernak had so kindly printed out for me remained tucked inside the card the demons gave me at my shower.

Argentia’s were wiggling gently in her container, and she dipped each one in hot sauce before tossing it in her mouth. No one paid them any mind until Montmorency reached for the sauce bottle and tipped them over. One smaller glorngden proved faster than the others, and scurried off as Montmorency tried to gather them up. It headed straight for Edith.

Edith was chatting amiably with Sophronia when the glorngden reached her. It never paused in its escape, and it crawled right onto her hand.

Her eyes widened. She looked at Argentia, who sat with her own glorngden halfway to her mouth, dripping hot sauce on the lid of her open lunch box. Then she looked back down at the one working its way across the back of her hand. She picked it up, watched it wiggle for a moment, then dipped it on the hot sauce and took a bite.

I suddenly realized that all of us had stopped speaking, eating, and practically breathing as Edith chewed the glorngden and swallowed it. Then she smiled brightly at Argentia.

“Delicious,” she said.

Argentia nodded very slowly. “I’m- I’m glad you like them. My parent made them.”

The noise returned to its former level, and we continued to enjoy our lunch. I did see Edith wrap the rest of the glorngden in her napkin, though.

On Monday Edith came to school with her hair curled and a large red bow perched on the top of her head. Usually Argentia’s rested against her horn, but as Edith had none, hers was held in place with several barrettes. I helped her fix it a few times during the day. Argentia was pleased at having her style admired so, and made sure Edith sat next to her at circle time and lunch.

Argentia and Clemencia instructed Edith on the fine art of pushing the boys off the top of the play fort.

“Remember: it’s not to be mean. You gotta toss ‘em carefully. We don’t wanna hurt them - just remind them who’s in charge here.”

Clemencia added, “This is a good time of year for you to practice, since there’s plenty of snow on the ground to break their falls.”

“Argentia! Clemencia!” I waddled over. “This is not a lesson you’re teaching Edith! Leave those boys alone.”

“Of course, Mrs Lily,” Argentia said sweetly. Edith looked at Argentia and swiftly imitated her smile and slight tilt of the head.

What had we unleashed?

**********************

**FEBRUARY**

_“Invasion of the Real Estate Agent”_

2D made arrangements to meet with Rosemary, the realtor who helped Noodle and him find the perfect place for the daycare. “I told her just what we wanted. It was a lot easier than trying to explain what I needed for the daycare.”

“This will take no time at all,” she told us, first thing. “It's ideal and the owners are dying to unload it.”

This was encouraging. The house was about twenty minutes from Kimberly’s mansion, with Little Devil's in between. Maris and Dana were a bit further, but still manageable.

It was rather unassuming from the road - a trim blue house. Nice landscaping, bushes and flowers. Low wooden fence.

Rosemary opened a barrel lock attached to the front door and withdrew the key. A breezy entry gave way to an open kitchen with marble countertops and stainless steel appliances. 

2D checked the freezer. “Reckon it’ll hold about six cartons of ice cream. What do you think, Lil?”

I inspected it. “I’d say so.” I poked around the kitchen.

“This way,” Rosemary said, and led us down a hallway. Large bath, two small bedrooms, and a larger one with an attached bath. This had a sliding glass door, and I made for it but Rosemary put her hand on my arm. “Hold off on the view, Lily.”

She took us back through the kitchen and down to the enormous basement, which was unfinished but sparkling clean.

Back upstairs we checked out the cozy living room, which had a fireplace and another huge sliding glass door, this one covered by vertical blinds.

“Okay, Lily, this is where it gets fun. Button your coat back up. 2D, come take her arm,” Rosemary directed. “Lily, you close your eyes.”

“Not a good idea,” I said, tapping my tremendous belly. “My balance is a bit iffy.”

“It’s only a few steps,” she assured me.

2D grabbed my arm. “I’ll keep you safe, Lil.” This was less than reassuring coming from a man who trips over dust specks, but I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I heard the blinds swoosh open and the door slide along its tracks. 2D whispered “blimey.”

“Okay, step over, Lil,” 2D instructed. We walked across what felt like wooden decking. “Now there’s four stairs down to the ground.”

I stepped carefully. My feet crunched on gravel. A familiar smell drew me. I knew exactly what 2D told her we needed.

“Right here,” said Rosemary.

I opened my eyes.

Directly in front of me stood a horse barn, weathered and trim.

I put my hand over my mouth and stepped in. Three stalls lined each side. At the back I found the tack room, office area, and bathroom. Above the back door stretched a burned wood sign that read “Loper’s Run”.

“Have to change that to ‘Lily’s Run’,” 2D remarked as we headed out the back.

I stumbled as I walked through, and he grabbed my arm. “You’re supposed to have your eyes open now, Lil,” he said, but my eyes were wide open. The riding ring was enormous. The same trim white fence surrounded a pasture of at least five acres.

Rosemary pointed at a large shed. “All of the equipment is in there - the rails for jumping and so forth.”

“You missed this as we brought you out,” 2D said, leading me back through the barn. The rear of the house was decked with light grey wood. Both sets of glass doors opened on to it.

Rosemary rubbed her hands together briskly. “Inside, inside! You have underfloor heating in here, and there are solar panels on the south side of the roof.” She slid the glass doors closed, then stood with one hand on a countertop and waved the other with a flourish. “You're home, my friends.”

I hadn’t spoken since I voiced my concern about my balance. I felt more off-balance than ever. I looked at 2D. “How much is it? Can we afford it?” I asked, hoping the desperation in my tone wasn’t too noticeable.

2D nodded. "Urdek checked everything for me, like he did when I bought the school. "

"Like I said, the owners are eager to sell. It’s been on the market for a few months." She handed me a copy of the listing. "As soon as 2D said 'horses' I knew this was the one. Your down payment is covered by two grandmothers who feel a bit responsible for it.” She laughed.

2D put his arms around me. “Told you at Christmas, didn’t I? Those horsey pictures were just to hold you over. Now you can have as many real ones as you like. Well, six anyway. If you want more’n that you’ll have to start building another barn.”

******************

February turned blustery as we waited for the sale of our house to close, and made arrangements for moving day. The creek behind the daycare was well frozen and 2D and I pondered how to find ice skates that would fit little goat hoofs. Basilia could no doubt forge blades but we didn’t know any shoemakers. We have imps all over the place but not a leprechaun to be seen.

Edith continued to shadow Argentia. She now had dresses that matched Argentia’s perfectly. She read the same books, chose the same pictures for the winter collage they made, even mimicked Argentia’s way of standing with her claws on her hips, and her exasperated sigh.

Argentia loved art more than anything; she had her own Youtube channel, “Infernal Art.” She was more than happy to teach Edith how to spatter red paint for the most realistic blood, capture the agony in a sinner’s face as they bore their fate, and create the illusion of sharpness on the edge of a finely wrought poking instrument.

I bought fresh clay, and Edith carefully examined the sculpture of the Great Beast of the Bottomless Pit that Argentia had sitting out on the shelf, and worked her own. After school I spotted Argentia regarding them with an odd expression on her face.

Druvoxin had boomed back after dropping the implings off at the zoo. She wanted to talk to 2D about his role in labour and delivery, since he had missed our class due to a slight case of unconsciousness. Argentia, Clemencia, and Basilia came back with her, happy to have run of the school for a bit.

“What’s the matter, Argentia?” I asked, pulling up a chair next to her. Once upon a time I would have squatted, but it would require heavy equipment to pull me back up these days.

“Is this what He really looks like?” Clemencia asked, as she and Basilia joined us.

“No," Argentia replied. "It’s a stylized representation of traditionally accepted mannerisms and cultural metaphors.”

Clemencia looked at her blankly. 

“Have you ever actually seen Him?” Basilia wanted to know.

“Yes. I saw Him at a picnic my uncle Ollie took me to, on the Planes of Municipal Parks. He was sitting by the Styx, feeding the geese.”

“She admires you very much, Argentia-” I started, but she cut me off.

“THEY admire me very much.” She tossed her horns at Clemencia and Basilia. “And Eudora. And Sophronia. But they don’t do this.” She regarded the sculpture for a few more seconds. Then Basilia took her by the claw and asked if she’d like to help design the handles of the new throwing knives. Argentia went with her silently.

Last year’s Valentine party had been a hit, in spite of Argentia jumping the fence on D’Artagnan and getting herself lost. The implings asked if they could do a bigger one this year, with music and snacks. 2D and I agreed.

Not that I needed more candy or snacks, saints knew. 2D’s efforts to keep me well-fed coupled with his romantic side resulted in him bringing me foil wrapped chocolates and heart-shaped boxes of candy every day. Fortunately for me he tended to eat all of it without noticing I hadn’t touched them.

He noticed the dark chocolate toffees, though, because he didn’t care for them. “I thought you loved these ones, Lil?”

“I do, Stuart, but I can’t eat them. You’re sweeter than all of it combined, anyway,” I said, kissing him.

He snuggled up next to me on the sofa and put his hand on my belly. “I want him to have some, too. Even if it’s just through that goopy thingy.”

“It’s not good for him, either. He eats too much of that and I’ll never get him out. Best if we both keep it to healthier choices.” I ran my hands over my gigantic stomach. “I already look like an elephant and feel like a slug.”

“I love elephants,” he responded. “And I had a slug once. Named him Henry. He was a nice pet. They’re very quiet, slugs.”

“What happened to him?”

“I let him out in the garden to play and he didn’t come back,” he said sadly. “Mum said she sees him now and then, and he always seems very happy.”

Esau and Ozias outdid themselves on Valentine candy as well. They made the divinity that won them first prize in Julian Townsend’s Kitchen Insanity - Junior Edition. They also had raspberry cream truffles and chocolate baklava. They brought it all in the day before the party.

Argentia had been attempting to distance herself a bit from Edith, but the human girl didn’t seem to know the meaning of the word. When we decorated for the party on Thursday, Argentia made her traditional centerpiece for the table, and Edith made one just like it.

“You can’t do that, Edith,” Argentia said, removing it from the table.

“But I made it just like yours,” Edith protested. “See? Only I used more glitter.”

“I make the centerpiece! I always make the centerpiece!” Argentia actually stamped her hoof.

Archibald and Marmaduke, both with rolls of crepe paper streamers in their claws, froze in place. Clemencia dropped her drumsticks with a clatter.

“We can have two tables,” 2D soothed them, hurrying over. “They both look very nice. We’ll do up one table with the coffee and punch, and then the other one can have the candy on it.”

Argentia continued to glare at Edith’s centerpiece. Then she said, “Mine will be on the candy table,” and stalked away.

We tried to keep them apart for the remainder of the afternoon by splitting into smaller groups than usual. Druvoxin arrived early to help out - she loves throwing parties. She took a group including Edith off for a nature walk. The implings came back chilled and excited but Edith craned her neck around immediately to see what Argentia was up to. Her group had just finished making valentine cards in art center, and were heading over to hear 2D read “Binbrook and the Cupid’s Bow” - a lackluster sequel to “ Too-big Pitchfork.”

Archibald was beside himself. “An inexcusable watering-down of an immortal classic. Distributed by a syndicate, no doubt. Big commercial racket.” He threw himself on the sofa in disgust. “Binbrook’s author must be rolling in his grave. I’ll see if I can find him and help him stop.”

On Valentine’s Day our party began after lunch. All of the parents were invited, as well as Auntie Kimberly and Unkie Murdoc of course.

First on the program was entertainment from our musicians - Cecil, Clemencia, Eudora, and Sophronia. They performed a composition of their own, and then to our surprise, Cecil added Bach’s Minuet in G.

Marmaduke and Pendragon read a simplified version of Cupid and Psyche, leaving out all the revenge and death. It was quite short.

Ozias and Esau announced it was time to enjoy the candy they made. Archibald made some of his amazing oatmeal biscuits. They had raisins in them, but when demons bake that’s the kind of thing that happens. Parents rose and stretched their cramped legs, and began to socialize.

Kimberly brought me a truffle and a piece of divinity for herself. “As the only technically divine being in the room, I’m really the only one who has a right to these.” She sat down next to me. “Just a few weeks left, Epona.” 

I shifted in my chair. “There’s no comfortable way to sit. There’s no comfortable way to stand, either. And saints know there’s no comfortable way to sleep.”

“I know,” she said sympathetically. “Have you tried-”

“Yes. I have. And that, too,” as she opened her mouth again. “I’ve tried everything except suspending myself using ratchet straps and even that’s only because I don’t trust the ceiling in the flat. When we get into the house I’ll have a look at those exposed beams.”

Murdoc joined us, pulling another chair over with a screech. “My sweet elderberry and I have a set that could do you just fine. Multi-purpose - that sort of thing.”

“The sort of purpose we’ve been using them for might give Lily pause, my snake.”

From over Murdoc’s shoulder I saw Edith headed our way. I assumed she was looking for me, but-

“Hello, Mr Murdoc, my name is Edith. I’m a big fan of yours.”

I’d never heard Edith mention any such thing. His name had come up occasionally, usually followed by a story that involved bodily harm to 2D.

“Are you, now?” Murdoc lowered his eyebrows.

“Oh, yes. I love your song about that one thing. And the others, of course.” She stood primly in front of him with her hands behind her back.

“Well. You have excellent taste.”

“Also, I just love your necklace.”

Murdoc looked down at his inverted cross.

“My dad has one but I like yours better.” She drew her hand from behind her back. “Anyway, I wanted you to have this Valentine I made you.”

Argentia screamed.

She marched over to Murdoc and stood between them. “That’s it. That’s it! It was cute at first but this is where I draw a line. You step back, Edith!”

"But I like Mr Murdoc," Edith responded. "I made him a Valentine." She held up a card decorated with glittery hearts.

“You. Don’t. Even. Know. Him,” Argentia hissed through clenched teeth. She whipped a card out of her pocket and handed it to Murdoc. A field of flowers stretched into the distance, while in the foreground a mass of crows gathered, feasting on something dead. It was artistically spattered with red paint - Argentia's signature style. Murdoc looked impressed and showed it to Kimberly.

“These are both lovely,” I said. “I’m sure Mr Murdoc is delighted with your cards, girls.”

“Hmm? Oh, yes-s-s. Absolutely. Cracking cards, both of them.” He handed the valentines to Kimberly, who slipped them into her handbag.

Edith and Argentia stood nose to nose in their identical pink dresses and red hair bows, both with their hands or claws on their hips.

I hove to my feet. “Edith, I fancy some tea. Would you come pour it for me? It’s hard to see the table around my belly.” She continued to glare, but followed me. Kimberly rose and I saw her lead Argentia in the other direction, talking animatedly to her.

Edith’s mum arrived a few minutes later. “I haven’t missed the party, have I? Traffic on the Cross Island was insane.”

“You’re in plenty of time for biscuits and sweets, Mrs Rosenberg,” 2D said as he hurried to her side. “Can I get you a spot of tea?”

Some implings boomed off with their parents, after thank-yous and hugs. The others waited for Druvoxin, who was in charge of those whose parents had not been able to take the remainder of the day off. No rest for the wicked. Druvoxin introduced herself to Mrs Rosenberg, who looked awed to be speaking to an actual demon. She had only seen the implings the day she toured the school. They chatted for a while before she returned to ask us about Edith’s progress.

“Is Edith settling in well?” she asked. “We know she has some annoying habits.”

This was as good a lead in as we were likely to get. I exchanged glances with 2D. “She’s a very lovely girl, Mrs Rosenberg. She does have a small issue with one of the other girls, though.”

“Oh, is she imitating her? I wondered when she requested the big hair bows.”

“Well. Yes.” I was taken aback.

“It’s a tendency of hers. Her pediatrician says she’s just trying to find herself - no different from trying on different outfits at the store.”

That made sense to me.

“But it’s true it does bug the crap out of the other kids.” She laughed. “I had a spot at the Naismith Academy reserved for her, and it’s just come up available. We’re going to transfer her over there and hope she doesn’t find a serial killer she wants to emulate.”

I was relieved at how well her mum dealt with her daughter’s inclinations. I hoped I could be as patient with my child.

She called Edith over, and had her shake our hands.

“It was very nice to have you in our class, Edith,” 2D said. “Thanks for helping me with my times tables.”

“No problem, Mr 2D.”

Her mother thanked us again. “At least this was better than last time. We had her in Northport in December. She started imitating the most selfish little girl we ever came across. Unbelievable. Edith came home demanding a new Andromeda 8 phone with a rhinestone case. Can you imagine?”

**MARCH**

_“Invasion of the Very Small Person”_

The compulsion to nest ran smack up against moving into the new house. I won, but it was exhausting.

Our furniture was transferred from the flat. Our first night in the house was not like our first night there had been. Finding a comfortable position for making love was as challenging as everything else; I second-guessed refusing Murdoc’s offer of ratchet straps.

Maris and Dana helped unpack boxes, and Noodle came over when she was home. Algromek showed up one day with Ozias and Esau, and the three of them cleaned the kitchen until it sparkled. We discovered we could actually cram eight cartons of ice cream in the freezer, if we left out frivolous extravagences like frozen vegetables.

We decided to hold off on painting until summer came and we could have adequate ventilation. I needed more time to decide on colours anyway; my standard choice of blue everything needed some jazzing up, I was told. By nearly everyone.

I consulted with my pediatrician and doctor about what we needed at home for the birth. I rented a birthing chair, bought drop cloths and waterproof bedding, packed a bag in case we had to head to hospital, set up the changing table in our room. I brought the bassinet as well, and laid receiving blankets over the side of it. I sat staring at it, unable to believe that in just a few days my baby would be sleeping in it.

“I hope you like it,” I whispered to him. “I hope you like everything. I hope you like me.”

We filled the baby’s room with all the new furniture from Grandma Rachel and Nana Kimberly. Apparently I was expected to choose a “theme” and decorate the nursery accordingly. The popular ones looked ludicrous - cartoon characters have never really appealed to me. 2D had the idea of decking out the room with his paintings. “When he sees these, he’ll really understand what I’m all about, right? And then as soon as he can fingerpaint, we’ll add his. Like a father-son exhibition.”

And once they were hung properly, the baby decided that all was ready.

I didn’t say anything to 2D when he left for the daycare. It was no use having him hover all day.

I stayed moving all morning, walking from one end of the house to the other, timing the contractions. I called Kimberly around one thirty, and she went over to the daycare so she could intercept Druvoxin. If we wanted her once she returned to the Lower Planes she’d have to be summoned. They arrived with 2D after school.

He rushed to my side. "Are you all right, Lil? Does everything feel okay? Only you don't know what would be okay, right? Does it hurt? I mean, of course it hurts. Can I-"

"Stuart. I'm fine. It hurts, but I'm on top of it. I love you."

"I love you, my Lily." He turned to Druvoxin. "I don’t remember what I'm s'posed to do."

She laughed as she stretched me out on the bed to check where I was. "I'd say an hour, maybe less. Let's keep you moving."

I went back to pacing and 2D walked next to me, his hand on my arm. He kept up reassuring chatter. He put my favorite anime on and I watched Bebop standing up or sitting on the big bouncy ball they recommended when I rented the chair. Nothing felt good for long.

"I need. Something. Different."

Kimberly led me to the changing table and had me lean over with my hands on it. "2D, come over here and rub her back.”

2D did, and it felt wonderful, but I was too restless to stay there. The contractions were crowding on top of each other. Druvoxin checked me again and said, "I think it’s time. Are you ready to push?"

"Yes. Please."

Druvoxin helped me onto the birthing chair. 2D stood behind me, and Kimberly knelt next to Druvoxin.

"You are the strongest human woman I've ever known, Lily. Let's get this baby out."

Pushing was gratifying and excruciating. I felt like my body was being torn apart. My water broke and Kimberly slipped another towel under me. She rubbed my legs, which were starting to shake. 2D told me over and over how much he loved me. He could fill the notebook just today.

"Two more should do it, Lily,” Druvoxin said. “When I tell you, give me the hardest push ever."

"What have I been doing until now?" I grunted.

Kimberly laughed but said, "Don't waste your breath, Epona."

With that next push Druvoxin exclaimed, "Here's a little head. No horns."

"Was that a possibility?" quavered 2D.

"What do you think?" I gasped. Kimberly shushed me again.

"Last one," said Druvoxin, and I bore down as hard as I could. I felt the baby slither out and the pressure ease at last. 

Kimberly reached underneath with one of the receiving blankets and brought the baby right up to me. I unbuttoned my pajama top and held my child against my chest for the first time, stroking the soft little head and crying. 2D knelt beside me.

I felt more activity and knew Druvoxin was cutting the cord and checking the placenta. "Okay, Lily, let's get you cleaned up." She helped me onto the bed as Kimberly took the baby over to the changing table for a more thorough rubdown.

2D stood uncertainly by the chair, looking at me, then Kimberly, then me again. Kimberly brought the baby over to him. "Here you go, dad."

"Dad?” He looked at Kimberly in a daze. “That's me. I'm dad. What if I drop 'im?"

"You won't," I said.

"Hold your daughter, 2D," Kimberly said gently, and transferred the wee bundle into 2D’s arms.

"Only I thought it was a boy?"

Kimberly said, “I'm going by outward appearance. We’ll amend if told otherwise.”

“Lily. This is our baby. I'm holding our baby.”

“I know, Stuart.” I winced. “I'll be right with you.”

“Almost done,” soothed Druvoxin.

Kimberly finished taking care of me and helped me sit up. She tucked a blanket around me. "Nice job, Rhiannon." She kissed my forehead and some of the pain floated away.

2D handed me our baby and sat down next to me. "You did it, Lil." He gazed at her in complete wonder.

“Didn't have a choice, really. She was bound to come out sooner or later.”

“Lily?” 2D asked softly, “What’s her name?”

I looked at her sweet, squishy little face.

“Her name is Matilda.”

“Are you sure? How do you know?”

“She looks like a Matilda.”

“What if she doesn't feel like one?”

“She can change it later. Hey, you,” I said to the baby. “If you want to be called Matilda, squint at me suspiciously. See? She loves it.”

He leaned his head on my shoulder. “Middle name?”

“I think Druvoxin would be a lovely middle name,” suggested that particular demon.

“Some people have more than one,” remarked Kimberly.

“I don't know. It will come to me, I guess."

“We can leave it blank for now,” Druvoxin said. She had acquired a legal birth certificate from a doctor who was a member of the same coven as Mrs Rosenberg. She filled out her sections and stuck it to a clipboard full of staff paper that was laying on 2D’s night table. “We’ll let you have some time to get to know her.” 

“I called your pediatrician’s office,” Kimberly said. “Dru will stay here while I run and get dinner.”

“Thank you,” I murmured, and 2D stood up to hug her, then stretched out next to me and Matilda.

We stared at her as she started closing her eyes then peeking at us again. I laid her against my chest and she fell asleep. 2D put his hand on her back. I fell asleep too, and the next thing I knew I heard Kimberly slipping back inside with some bags. 2D hopped up to greet her.

"She fell asleep on Lily's chest,” I heard him say with delight. “It was so cute. I mean, it's just sleeping but-"

"Everything she does will be cute. And you can be just as crazy over it as you please."

"Stuart, can you take her?” I called. “I need to use the bathroom."

He came back and picked her up with confidence, holding her little head carefully. "Are you hungry, Matilda?" he asked. "Only mum's gonna be right on it real soon. So don't cry. She's not crying," he said to me and Kimberly as she helped me out of bed. "I'm really good at this."

“You’re in charge of keeping her from crying from now on.”

Our first feeding was frustrating. Matilda kept spitting me out and then rooting around, barely latching, and spitting me out again.

“Don’t get discouraged,” Kimberly soothed. “She’ll catch on.”

I wiped away a couple of tears. “It’s supposed to be natural, isn’t it?”

“It’s a natural instinct for both of you. But things that come naturally don’t always come easily. Think of what you did earlier today, in fact.”

Our pediatrician stopped in to assure us that every inch of Matilda was perfect. She left us a schedule of vaccinations.

We video-called 2D's parents. He gave them every detail about the birth, and sent pictures to be shared among the other family members. He told them how good he was at taking care of her in the hour since she’d been born.

“She’s just beautiful, Lily,” his mother said, wiping away a tear. “I can’t wait to hold her.”

We decided to leave travel plans up in the air, so to speak. There was no point rushing here; we didn’t plan to allow anyone but Druvoxin, Kimberly, and her doctor to touch her.

Kimberly had tidied the house and washed dishes while we talked. Now she gave 2D a tutorial on changing her nappy, and a warning about that first messy one. “This is your most important job,” she said. “Dinner comes from mom, and dinner prep comes from dad. You have her snug and clean and cozy so she can focus on her meal.”

We had better luck on this go round. She latched on hard and I could hear her little gulps. She kept her eyes on me the whole time, her tiny hands flexing. 2D gave her his finger to hold on to.

After she nibbled I gave a try at burping her and was rewarded with my own curdled milk dripping down my hand. Kimberly handed me a clean nappy and said, “Just get used to that.”

Matilda fell back to sleep so after a quick bite from the dinner Kimberly brought us, I curled up and laid her next to me, and 2D curled up opposite me so we made a safe nest for our little girl.

I woke first and lay quietly studying them. I wondered which one of us Matilda would favour. Her tiny features gave nothing away so far.

I loved every angle of my husband’s face. I loved his sweet, genuine smile. I remember the first time I saw it, talking about ponies with his father. I thanked the saints once again that I was led to Ducky’s Petting Zoo.

I reached my arm around awkwardly, trying to grab the clipboard from the night table without jostling 2D or the baby. I clicked the ballpoint and finished writing in my daughter’s name: Matilda Penelope.

******************

The first few days after Matilda arrived brought freezing cold and several centimeters of snow. It warmed up quickly, though, and by the time our girl was a week old the snow was gone and the sun was working hard to dry out the mud in the yard.

Once Matilda’s pediatrician gave the green light, we let our friends and family know that they would be allowed to peep at my perfect little person.

The huge deck behind the house became my reception hall. 2D brought my rocking chair and the bassinet outside. Matilda snacked and napped by turns, and spent the remainder of her free time staring at us. I enjoyed the fresh air, the view of my barn, and the crunch of the gravel drive that heralded another bringer of gifts.

Tra’gouroth made an official visit, bringing a card from the Board of Lower Education. Urdek and Marmaduke brought a gift certificate from a local delicatessen. Marmaduke drew a picture of himself holding the baby. He had drawn horns on her head, then erased them. “I wasn’t sure whether human babies had them or not,” he explained. 

Maris and Dana showed up with Nana Kimberly and Papa Murdoc. Dana brought a custard pie, and Maris had a frilly pink bonnet.

“Put it on her!” 2D said eagerly, and I groaned and traded out the trim little knit cap Matilda was wearing.

Maris grinned. “I don’t see any blue hair, Wendy. Something you’re not telling us about the construction team?”

“Only my hair wasn’t always blue,” 2D explained. “I fell out of a tree when I was a nipper. My hair changed colour.”

“Not the first of his creative decisions caused by a brain injury, nor the last,” remarked Murdoc.

Druvoxin brought the swarm of implings. They were far more interested in the barn than the baby.

Argentia’s reaction was much the same as mine had been. She came out trembling with excitement. “When are you getting me a pony, Mrs Lily?”

“I’ve been looking online,” I said. “There’s a few nice farms nearby.”

Montmorency and Pendragon trotted in and out of the stalls, then started a game of hide and seek. The implings held races from one end of the pasture to the other. I made a note that we needed a nice big playfort here.

My Eudora was the only one who stayed by my side, peering at the baby.

“I was telling 2D - we have another new human starting next week.” Druvoxin had her feet up on a stool, watching Basilia. The impling was inspecting a horseshoe she found in the barn.

“I’ll be sorry to miss that,” I said.

She sighed. “I’m not even sure what to hope for. It’s too much to ask to get someone who will fit right in.” She held out her arms and I handed Matilda to her. “Maybe we’ll just wait for you, hmm?” she asked.

Mr and Mrs Pot came for three days, and I took advantage of that to catch up on two weeks of sleep. Matilda and I met up for lunch dates and then she was whisked off again. Grandma Rachel and Grandpa David needed to cram in as much snuggling as possible.

2D carried her all around the property, showing her the horses stalls and promising her a pony as soon as she was old enough. He snugged her up in the carrier against his chest, and she usually fell asleep warm and cozy, listening to his heartbeat. Lucky little girl; I knew how lovely that was.

******************

Another important delivery came when Matilda was almost two weeks old. A gift from my husband, who had chosen them himself.

A trailer from Sunshine Meadow backed into my driveway, and two rumps presented themselves. The driver was a jovial fellow named Steve.

"Congratulations, Mrs Pot! Our stable manager Carol said you had a fresh baby."

He opened the gate on the left and stepped into the trailer, speaking soothingly. The little black Morgan backed out well enough, tossing her head once she had all four hooves on the ground.

"Mrs Pot, this is Mabel. Mabel, this is Mrs Pot."

I took her bridle and stroked her nose. "There's my good girl - my other good girl." I reached into my jacket pocket, where I had a baggie of apple slices. "Oh, that smells nice, doesn't it? Will this make you happy?" She lipped them from my hand and then bumped against my hip, looking for more.

"She's a sweet one," Steve said. "Your husband fell for her right off.”

“He’ll likely fall right off of her as well.” I led Mabel through the barn.

"I always liked this place," Steve remarked. "Knew the old owners. Nice folks. Moved out to Oregon after their daughter had a baby, in fact."

"That looks promising, doesn't it, sweetheart?" I asked Mabel as we passed the ring. "You'll be flying over those gates in no time."

"But you won't be," 2D said firmly as he joined us in the pasture, Matilda in his arms. "Someone was inquiring about a meal. She says she has a reservation."

I let go of Mabel's bridle and she stepped away from me delicately. She lifted her head and shook her mane, then started walking along the fence, sorting out her new boundaries.

We walked back into the barn and 2D transferred Miss Fussy-pants into my arms once I'd washed up.

"I'll help with the pony while Lil is busy," he said. I sat down at my desk and filled Matilda's dinner order.

2D led my other new baby through the barn. Yancy was a Shetland roughly the size and colour of Feather. I couldn’t wait to see Argentia’s face when she saw him. He was definitely a feisty boy. He frisked about the pasture, and went over to say hello to Mabel, and nuzzled her neck a bit.

Before Steve headed back to Sunshine Meadow, I asked about some help. “As my husband points out, I won’t be much in the way of riding for a bit. He can take care of the animals while I’m recuperating, but once he heads back to his other jobs, I’ll need a good hand.”

“Know a couple people might be interested. You okay with someone younger?”

“We all have to start some time, don’t we?” I shook his hand. “Look forward to hearing from you.”

“Only make sure you don’t hire anyone better lookin’ than me,” 2D said.

“There isn’t any such person,” I assured him. “Why the concern?” 

“Well, I hired you as my stable hand and look how that turned out.”

******************

That afternoon I woke up from my afternoon nap actually feeling perky. 2D sat in the living room holding Matilda. Noodle was on the couch.

"Stuart,” I scolded, “you didn't even make her a cup of tea?"

"Only I was holding Matilda!" he responded indignantly.

"Matilda, you didn't even make her a cup of tea?"

"It's all right. I should get going," Noodle said.

"Can't you stay for dinner at least?” 2D handed Matilda to me. “Lots of people dropped stuff off. We have real food. I can make something."

“I can make real food too, as it happens," I said, and headed back into the bedroom with my hungry girl.

We found waffles in the kitchen when we were done, as I suspected we would. He hopped right up, but I said, "Sit. You finish, then you can hold her so I can eat." I patted Matilda's back.

“She’s gotten so big,” Noodle said. “I had no idea they grew that fast.”

“She eats almost as much as 2D does.”

He rushed through his remaining dinner, then handed me a plate of waffles. I handed him his daughter.

"That's a good trade," 2D remarked. "Matilda, you're worth three waffles."

“I was just telling 2D my bosses at RTI are interested in us doing another tour,” Noodle said.

“Where?” I asked, my heart sinking slightly.

“Just England. I already told them we’d be doing it without our frontman.”

2D opened his mouth.

“No.” Noodle and I spoke at the same time.

"They're ganging up on me, Matilda!" He held her up in front of himself.

"Don't you use my daughter as a human shield." Matilda started fussing. 2D lifted her over his head, smiling up at her. "What's that all about?" he asked. "You've no reason to be complaining." He was rewarded with spit-up in his hair. He brought her down back to eye-level. "Right. Now you gave me something to complain about."

He handed the baby to me and left. I heard a clunk from the shower head as he started rinsing Matilda’s dinner from his hair.

Noodle was trying not to laugh, but I didn't bother hiding it. "Nice one, little woman," I said to Matilda. "Teach him not to condescend."

"He's really good at this," she said.

"Yes, he is."

"You're good at it, too, of course," she added.

“I feel like I’m at least starting to know what she needs, and what to do. But he does better than I do."

2D came back in, his hair still damp, tucking a fresh shirt into his jeans.

"Only what it is- this is all new to her, right? Like every single thing that happens to her is happening for the first time ever, and she don't know what to do. So when she gets upset I just tell her all about it, and tell her I'll be right here to help. So she knows."

He took her back from me. "See like right now she's worried I'm mad she burped up in my hair. So I tell her I'm not mad. You're a baby and that happens. So she's okay now."

In fact her eyes were closed and she looked content. He rubbed her back a bit, then took her over to the bassinet and carefully laid her down, and covered her with her yellow ducky blanket.

******************

Before I knew it, the Spring Celebration sprang on me.

In deference to Matilda and me, Druvoxin and 2D decided to hold the party at the house. I helped decorate the kitchen and patio, and made sure everything in the tack room was clean and ready for the pony riders.

Kimberly and Murdoc breezed and skulked in, respectively. Maris and Dana decided to crash the party. Our implings had invited Russ and Noodle as guests of honor; Noodle was in Europe but Russel was happy to come.

The wee demons boomed in with their parents, and a car pulled into the drive with Little Devils’ non-demonic student.

I didn’t know anything about her. She had started only two days prior, and 2D had been home with me. I hadn’t talked to Druvoxin yet.

The car doors slammed, and a slim dark haired man approached the deck, with a little girl trailing behind. “Sam Kinoshita,” he said, stretching out his hand as he climbed the stairs. “This is my little girl, Jill.”

Without prompting, Jill came over and shook my hand. She wore a dress similar to the implings, but with mismatched socks and white trainers.

Clemencia yelled, “Jill’s here!” and the little girl turned and ran to the crowd of implings, who clustered around her. Absent only was Argentia, whom I had seen enter the barn with 2D.

Druvoxin finished chatting with Tra’gouroth and came to join us. “Hello, Sam. I’m glad you were able to come.”

“Oh, we’re delighted!” He turned to me. “Congratulations on your new arrival! And your farm is just lovely. Mind if I take a walk around?”

“Not at all,” I said. “There are sweets and drinks on the kitchen table, just through the glass doors. Don’t mind the centerpiece. It’s not real blood.”

Mr Kinoshita strode off, smiling as he looked around.

“He seems just lovely,” I said.

“I feel the word ‘buoyant’ works,” Druvoxin replied. “And Jill is just a dream come true. She plays chutes and ladders. She paints. She sings. ”

“I hope she stays that way,” I said, watching. Jill ran back to the car and returned with a red ball. They headed into the bigger part of the yard, along the side of the pasture, and counted off for a game.

“Argentia is still a bit off her," Druvoxin admitted. "Understandable to be reluctant after Edith. But she’ll get there.”

2D climbed onto the porch. “We had two new human kids arrive in March, really.” He leaned against the railing, smiling at me. “I think they’re both keepers.”

The implings plus one gathered to put on their show. 2D brought out the kitchen chairs; parents and guests gathered on the porch. He also brought out one of his portable keyboards so our musicians could entertain us.

They regaled us with poems, and acted out a spring storm while Cecil played part of Beethoven's “Pastorale Symphony.” Jill and Pendragon were clouds that blocked out Eudora’s sunlight, until Archibald and Marmaduke danced in as the wind, and cleared them away.

As the afternoon wound down some of the families boomed off, but a few stayed. Argentia was reluctant to give up Yancy. Eudora and Basilia picked wildflowers in the pasture, and stroked Mabel’s nose whenever she meandered by.

Jill watched Argentia riding around the ring, and called out to her. “I want a turn, Argentia!”

Argentia seemed to fight an inner battle, but at last she nodded. Jill let herself in through the gate, and 2D headed over to help.

He didn’t need to. Argentia gave Jill a boost, and the girl swung herself up easily.

“She rides at Sunshine Meadow with her mother now and then,” Mr Kinoshita explained.

Jill took a couple turns around the ring, and urged Yancy into a trot. He needed very little encouragement. I could see Argentia’s smile widen as she watched.

We walked down the drive to say our goodbyes to Kimberly and Murdoc, and Matilda received sufficient snuggles from her Nana to hold her over - probably until tomorrow.

Druvoxin turned back to the barn. “Well, I think she’s in with Argentia,” she said.

Argentia was in the process of removing the top bar from the fence so Jill could jump it.

2D hurried off to halt the proceedings.

Clemencia came trotting over to stand in front of me. "Watch this, Matilda!"

I turned the baby to face the little impling, who carefully folded a piece of paper, and let it sit lightly on the palm of her hand. It fluttered gently. Clemencia blew on it, and it rose into the air before igniting. Together we watched the blazing firebird as it danced across the brilliant spring sky.


End file.
